By Tony Collins
Special to the Miner
Adam and Eve, the first couple to live in the subdivision East of Eden, were evicted by their landlord, the great I AM, last month for violating the only rule they had to follow to remain in their utopian garden home. They had resided there since the sixth day of the world. Their garden home was located just East of Eden, and was surrounded by four major rivers, the Pishon, the Euphrates, the Gihon and the Hiddekel.
When this reporter asked what happened, Adam, made famous for naming all the animals, was quick to point out that the eviction was not his fault but caused by his wife Eve. He stated that God had told him that they could eat of all the vegetation in the garden except the fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil.
He further stated that he told his wife about the restriction, but she continued to pass by the tree daily. Adam, a farmer by trade, admitted that the fruit looked good to eat and wasn’t sure why they couldn’t eat it but maintained his distance anyway.
When Eve was asked why she ate of the fruit, she blamed a serpent. She stated that while passing by the tree a serpent was standing near the tree and called to her. She began talking to him though her woman’s intuition told her not to. He asked her why she didn’t eat any of the fruit; he could see that she wanted to. Eve says she told him that if she were to eat of the fruit that she would die, whatever that meant as she had never seen anything die in her short life.
The serpent, she stated, told her she would not die and that God had just lied to her to keep her subservient. She said she wasn’t sure what subservient was but it didn’t sound good. She said that the serpent reached out and touched the bark of the tree and said, “See I didn’t die.” He then plucked a fruit from the tree and gave it to her.
After tasting it she realized that it did taste good and she then gave some to her husband, Adam, who was near by. Seeing that she didn’t die, he also took a bite. Adam said it was then that they both realized that they were naked and promptly hid in the bushes.
Adam relates that later in the evening, as God walked through the garden, as was his usual custom, and not seeing Adam He called for him. Adam said he told God that since they were naked, he and Eve had hidden. God asked him how he knew he was naked, and that was when the conversation began to go from bad to worse.
Both Eve and Adam agree that had they been honest and open with God and asked his forgiveness instead of playing the blame game that perhaps they could have stayed. However, Adam said he blamed God for giving him Eve, even going so far as to say, “This woman YOU gave me.” Then when God asked Eve about the fruit, she blamed the serpent saying that he had beguiled her. The serpent didn’t have anyone to blame so he just shrugged his shoulders for the last time.
God told Adam that his days of easy farming were over and that the ground would be hard to get food out of. For Eve he told her she would have pain in childbirth, which she did not totally understand not having yet felt either pain or childbirth. He also said that Adam would be over her. She wasn’t sure which she disliked the most, pain or Adam as a boss, but she figured the latter.
As for the serpent, He took away the serpent’s legs and arms and ability to speak, thus I was unable to get any comments from the serpent. God made him crawl on the ground. God told the snake that the woman’s seed would crush the serpent’s head. They said that God then escorted them from the garden and placed guards at the entrance.
When asked how things were going now both said they wished they could take back their decision to disobey. And they both restated their belief that if they had repented instead of making excuses the outcome may have been different.
Adam said that what he misses most are the quite talks with God and feels like something inside him curled up and died. Eve also stated she understood the pain in childbirth comment now that she is pregnant. She said that every time the baby kicks it feels like he is just raising cain with her insides, and hopes that her pregnancy is not as long as the elephants.
When I asked God for a comment, He just shook his head and mumbled something about humans and free will. As God turned away, this writer thought he heard Him say something about a cross and hope, but perhaps He was just saying he was cross with Adam.